The beginning of a new journey dedicated to my mom.

Last year on this day my world changed forever. I had spent the last 14 years being the full time care giver for my momma. Then on Father's Day 2014 she passed away from CHF.  Her heart put up a long fight but finally could not go on. She asked to be at home to for her final days and we brought her home to spend her last days. The week before she passed we spent a lot of time talking about the human soul. The fight that we all go through to find our balance and our salvation. We talked about religion, culture, history, mythology and legends. This was not something new, we have always been so open with this deep discussions. Our family always had such an unique open mindness and we talked about all types of what some families considered taboo.

But this conversation was different because we both knew that this was going to be our last conversation about these deep and personal about our beliefs, our souls and what we hoped would happen to each of us after we pass away. 

My mom was my best friend. I never imagined my life without being able to just talk to her every day. I never imagined the world, my world, without hearing her call me angel. When I was scared, when my social anxiety kicked in, when my worrisome nature felt overwhelming she was the one who knew what to say. She would stroke my hair and tell me how proud of me she was. Yes, even when I was an adult she did this. 
I have spent this last year working and helping others create their own visions and projects. This month alone I have been working on several productions, photo shoots, cons and private client creations. But my heart and my mind keep going back to the last deep discussion mommy and I had. The discussion about our souls, our fight to save the humanity in each of very own life, the meaning of it all. 

We talked on her last good day... Friday. Saturday she was incoherent, unable to speak except for the occasional cries for help. We lost her on Sunday morning at 2am. I have spent the last year trying to close my eyes without seeing her that Saturday. I know that unless you have been through it, you can not imagine how hard it was and still is. 

A few months ago I began my journey to try to not forget that Saturday but to overcome its saddness. I started focusing on our last talk. The talk that questioned and answered so many things. Her words still echo in my heart and the feelings of true friendship can still move me to tears..... Yes I am crying as I write this.

I have decided that our existence, our fight to save our humanity, to discover the secrets of our souls, and to overcome all the world throws at us will be inspiration for my next year. I am going to develop a series of photos to capture these themes. I want to tell these stories NOT just from one point of view, one cultural aspect, one point of history. Instead I want to explore these themes from mutiple cultures, myths, legends, and religions. I want to tell the story of the fight for humanity and the fight for our souls.

So I am working on getting my plans in order, anyone who knows me knows I have to have a plan. My goal to complete this series with the help and support of my group of talented friends by June 14, 2016 and then I want to produce a calendar with these images.

I will be journaling the experience here.

(Special note: I found this post difficult to write let alone publish. So for a while it will be saved as a draft. I have every intention to publish it, I just dont know if I can yet.)